Its funny

How two people know somethings wrong,
and know how to fix it. But dont.
What are you waiting for ?
An other apology that you'll just ignore ?
You're inseperable.
Because even threw all the bullshit you cant stop talking to each other.
You're always talking about her.
Still upset by it.

Mend what you've both broken, and you'll both come out better than before.

Living for the masses.

What is living when you have no faith?

What is waking up, if you wish you were asleep ?

What is always wondering, when you're afraid to know ?

Is it routine that makes us comfortable, or uncertainty that's never gone away ?

What is fun when you're all alone ?

Does drinking away all of your burdens really make you less worried ?

Does the feeling of being wanted, make you more of a person ?

Did the last simple comment of recognition from someone really mean anything if you don't believe it yourself ?

When did love without trust become the norm ?

Why haven't we payed attention to the little things ?

Why haven't we noticed what's been in hindsight the whole time ?

Threw all the chaos,

all the nonsense,

all the ignorance,

and all the loss,

Life is beautiful.

Life is learning,

and living is asking questions.

Uncertainty is all we know,

and knowing, is what we live for.

It's been

Exactly one month since I came back.

Everyday I wish I was still there.
It was honestly, the BEST week of my life.

Nothing but laughs and smiles from us.

I miss you Carmela.

You're the best.

Californiacation

For 11 years now, i've been staring out the same window, seeing the same people, same trees, and breathing the same air. I feel like i'm in an imaginary world. A world where all people care about is who you know.

Well, here, I haven't known anybody. I don't even know my family, and nobody knows me. Up until recently, nobody anywhere knew me. That's the "real me" atleast. Everyone has their own assumptions as to what kind of person I am, they are wrong, but I don't blame them. I have never let anyone in. Nobody's gotten close to me. I've grown up virtually alone.

An outcast by choice.

For a while now all i've wanted was to get as far away from this place as possible. I decided my destination would be California. But why California ?

Idk, I guess it started as me just wanting to live in a more active area.

But as time went on, I realized that it was perfect.

This small North Houston Suburb was, and never will be, enough for me. There's nothing here that appeals to me, especially not the people. In the past couple of years i've come to notice that there's nobody that can relate to me.. It's as if im being suppressed, even suffucated, by this small community. My dreams are ignored, my thoughts unnoticed, and my voice unheard.

It's gotten so bad even, that all I ever think about now is how i'm going to leave or me trying to find the fastest route out of here.

Everyday the train passes by my house.
Everyday planes fly overhead.

It's ironic.
My way out, is right outside my window.

This whole time, I could see it.

A symbol for my desire to leave

but my inability to go.

I just know that California is right for me.

She is right for me.

We're perfect together.

And she know's it too.

Matter of fact, she's waiting,

Anxious for my arrival.

Just as I am for her.

My platform.

For only she,

can support my dreams.

So close, but yet so far.

As time ticks away I get closer.

But the closer you get to something,

the more you want it.

Take it a Step Further

I've always said, to not just think outside the box,

but also, to LIVE outside the box.

Meaning, to hold less stock in comformity and society's agenda, and instead making your own. But on an even deeper level, break free of all insecurites, whether they be physical, social, or emotional. Don't be afraid of pursuing your interests and what's on the outside, but rather be afraid of holding your self back and only seeing the same results for the rest of your youth.

When you lay down at night and reflect on your day, you should be satisfied with the decisions you've made. If you can begin to accept that what you're doing is indeed positive and that with each passing day you're getting closer to where you want to be, than you can truly be happy.

Peace within, and self acceptance, is the ultimate way to stay happy.

People are scared to grow up, scared to do something with their lives, scared to make a necessary change. I'm not just talking about young people here either, everyone all the way up to our politicians are afraid of their own intuitions. That fear, is what causes turmoil. Fear leads to doubt, and doubt leads to hopelessness. We're always going for the safe choice, the one thats going to make things easier for us all, instead of going with what we really feel is right because we're afraid of making a mistake. Funny thing is, the only real mistake, is not going with your intuition, for your intuition is the only thing you can depend on. It's never wrong. If you choose to go with a safe route instead of the one you think is best, then you'll always question yourself, wondering if things would be better if you had actually went with that gut feeling. Don't live in fear of making a mistake.

If following your gut means taking a risk, then damnit, you take that risk everytime.

Historiography

"One misconception about historical study is that it is merely a string of facts, meanigless dates, and the names of often long-dead individuals, with little relevance to our lives and the times. Nothing could be firther from the truth."- Mark Epstein

History has influenced me in ways far beyond my imagine. Mr. Smith, my AP History teacher, has been the most influential person in my life. He's challanged me, to challenge myself. Maybe sometimes I don't give him the respect he deserves, and many of us don't. But he undoubtably has helped me grow in the last 2 years.

I'm not here to seek anyone's response or to offend anyone's beliefs. I write for myself.
But as a forewarning to all, as I challenge myself, you will be challenged even more.
Some posts may be controversial, and others may be more on a personal level.
Either way, this is my way to vent.